And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
