I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
