okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
