I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
