Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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