Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
