Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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