At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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