I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
