I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize