Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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