yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
