You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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