so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
