mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
