I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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