I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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