u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
