i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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