that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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