i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
