I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
