Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
