he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
