Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
