Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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