Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
