So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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