6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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