I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
