You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
