She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
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The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
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im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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