Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
