if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
