ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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