we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.