idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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