He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.