I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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