I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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