I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
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There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
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And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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