i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
