I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
