That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
