We're facebook friends in real life
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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