a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize