Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
