so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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