OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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