She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
