Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
