Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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