spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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