I wish my penis had an off switch
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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