Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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