what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
