You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
