I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
