dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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