This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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