eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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