do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
