I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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