Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
