The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
