If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
