In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
