its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I seem to have left my pride at pride
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i now understand why vodka
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
