sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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