omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The Olympian is in my bed
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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