dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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