Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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