i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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